In my Introduction to Mass Communication class we have an assignment where we are supposed to create an outline for an argument. We can choose whatever topic we want for the argument. I was thinking about what topic to structure my argument around and, when I passed a poster about consent, the idea popped into my head to do it over why people shouldn’t have sex before marriage. I quickly realized that I couldn’t actually use that topic because there isn’t really any solid evidence that waiting until marriage to have sex is scientifically better than not waiting. Which got me thinking about why I believe in saving myself for marriage when there are plenty of people who don’t and still do just fine. For me, it all goes back to the Bible, God’s Word. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” God designed sex to be between a man and a woman in the confines of marriage. Our bodies are His temple (1 Corinthians 6:19-20) and we are not to defile them by being sexually immoral. Having sex outside of marriage, including with a prostitute (verses 15-17), is known as sexual immorality. Sex was not designed to be solely a physical experience. It was not designed as a “next level” to keep boyfriends and girlfriends from breaking up (and it doesn’t). It was designed to be a physical and emotional experience between a man and his wife to fulfill the desires that God created us with (1 Corinthians 7:2-3). Song of Songs (or Song of Solomon) is a book of songs/poems written by Solomon about the intimacy between a husband and wife. If you read through it, you’ll notice that, unlike most writings about sex today, it isn’t focused solely on the physical aspect of sex. It talks about romance and love and intimacy: things that aren’t always present during pre-marital sex. Another function of sex is, of course, to reproduce. In Genesis 1:28, God tells Adam and Eve to “be fruitful and multiply.” Unmarried couples can get pregnant but, as I’m sure you know, that raises a lot of complications that neither party really wants. This is also why homosexuality is unnatural. Two men together and two women together cannot reproduce. That, alone, should be an obvious indicator that homosexuality is not right. It’s like trying to put together a puzzle with pieces that don’t fit. You’re never going to get it right (Romans 1:26-27). Anyway, back to why sex is best in marriage. Although having sex outside of marriage may not produce any obvious consequences, waiting until marriage allows for a deeper connection between husband and wife. Why? Simply put, because neither of them have any point of reference, so they are completely content with how it feels, both physically and emotionally, to have sex with their spouse. Besides, delayed gratification can be a good thing. If you have to wait for a long time to get something, it feels even better when you finally get it. Another reason sex is best saved for marriage is because marriage was designed to last a lifetime (1 Corinthians 7:10-11). If a boyfriend and girlfriend have sex, they are still just as likely to break up because there’s nothing tying them to each other. Not a ring or a document or a vow. They can have sex and then break up. In fact, people do it all the time. In the Taylor Swift song Fifteen, one line goes, “Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind.” That happens. People change their minds. The thing is, though, when two people are married, rather than just dating, they are less likely to change their mind and file for a divorce because it’s more difficult and complicated than simply breaking up. Plus, when two people decide to get married, it is usually a decision that is made after thoughtful consideration. Meaning that they both can’t imagine spending their lives without the other. There are plenty of people who have sex with multiple partners outside of marriage, therefore devaluing sex. If you have sex a lot before you get married, then once you get married sex between you and your spouse isn’t go to be as special because 1) it will be nothing new for you and 2) you’ll probably be tempted to compare them to your previous sexual partners (and if they don’t measure up you may be disappointed, which isn’t fair for your spouse). Sex isn’t meant to be recreational. It wasn’t designed to be an activity or a pastime. No, it is an intimate experience designed to deepen spouse’s love for and connection with one another. I’ve talked a lot about God’s design for sex. How do you think He feels when people have sex outside of marriage, therefore going against His design? Think of it like this: right now I am typing this on a laptop. Laptops are designed to allow people to have portable access to the their pictures, music, videos, games, documents, the Internet, and etc. How do you think the manufacturer of the laptop, in my case, Apple, would feel if they found out that I used my laptop as a pillow or a fly-swatter or a seat cushion or a door stop? They would probably be mad and sad that their product was being used as something other than what it was designed for. That’s how God feels when we have sex outside of marriage or with someone of the same gender (but that’s for a different post). All this being said, if you’ve had sex before marriage, you aren’t a horrible person that can’t be loved by God. This post is not meant to call you out and make you feel bad. I am simply stating my Biblically based opinion. God still loves you just the same and will forgive you if only you ask (1 John 1:9). I just feel like my opinion is an unpopular one that isn’t heard very often. So I wanted to make it heard. All these posters around my campus talking about what does and does not count as consent just sadden me. The only acceptable form of consent should be a wedding ring.
This chapter is the perfect example of how God wants us to love. This Valentine’s Day, and every other day, strive to love others in these ways.
Devotion for the week of 4/7/14-4/13/14
In the very beginning God designed marriage to be between a man and a woman. Genesis 2:24 says that a man leaves his parents to be bound with his wife, and the two become one flesh. Marriage is a sacred thing. It is when two people’s beliefs, ideals, passions, and hearts come together so they can live a life of happiness with each other until death parts them. As you have probably heard before, wives are to submit to their husbands and husbands are to love their wives. It says this in Ephesians 5:22-26. Girls, submitting to your husband does not make you weak or vulnerable. It just means that you trust him to support you and treat you well. Guys, loving your wife means that you respect her, are tender and gentle with her, and lift her up. Typically when people think of marriage, divorce also comes to mind. In Luke 16:18, 1 Corinthians 7:10-11, Matthew 19:6, and 1 Corinthians 7:13 the Bible basically says that God forbids divorce. He does not want man to separate what He has joined together. However, there is one exception. It’s in 1 Corinthians 7:39. It says that a woman is bound to her husband for as long as he lives. But, if he dies, she is free to marry another man as long as he is a Christian. I found it very interesting that God is okay with divorce in that case. But, when you think about it, it does make sense. Hopefully, though, all of you will be able to be a part of a long,happy, and healthy marriage before you die. For those of you who are married I hope that you will continue to love each other and stay with each other until the very end. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 tells us what love is and it outlines how two people in love should behave. Remember those verses. For those of you, like me, who aren’t married or maybe haven’t even fallen in love yet, be patient. God has the perfect person for you and He will bring them into your life at His perfect time. But everyone remember that Revelation 19:7-9 tells us that Jesus is the Bridegroom. So even if we are not married here on earth we will be married to Him once we enter Heaven. You will never be without love.