“Break”

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When you hear of people being on a break you may think of the famous break between Ross and Rachel on the TV show Friends. Typically breaks occur in relationships when the couple needs a little time apart. But, let me tell you, breaks can happen in friendships too. I didn’t use to think it was possible until it happened to me last Saturday. I was at work when I got a text from my best friend saying that she needed a break from me basically because I’m apparently too clingy and annoying and high maintenance. I don’t know if there even is a way to say such a thing nicely, but she tried. Nonetheless, I still burst into tears in the freezer at IHOP. All alone and cold and tired and heartbroken. I could barely choke back tears as I finished up my shift. I had noticed that my friend had been distant for the past week and I had been worried. Her declaring a break confirmed my suspicions. I’ve always been overly reliant on my friends. I had a friend for three years and, after she abandoned me, I had trouble finding who I was apart from her. Determined to not let that happen again, I’ve been trying to not be too reliant on my friends. It’s hard not to be, though, because it’s what I’m used to. Despite all the bad things about this situation, I’m trying to focus on the good. I can use this time apart from my best friend to get closer with God and to make sure He is the one I’m most reliant on. It only makes sense to rely on someone who will never fail you instead of someone who could walk away at any time. I talked to one of the girls at my church who is an intern for the summer. I’ve gotten pretty close to her since she came a couple months ago. She’s really sweet and encouraging. She’s been through a similar situation so she gave me some pointers on how to handle it. One of these pointers was a verse-Jonah 2:8~”Those who cling to worthless idols turn away from God’s love for them.” I’ve always thought of idols as being like golden calves, which is why I’ve always believed that I’ve never had any problems with idols. But it isn’t only statues that can be idolized. People can also be idolized. Often it’s celebrities who are idolized but, in my case, it is, in a sense, my friends. I place them on a sort of pedestal in my life and make them my priority. Afraid to lose them, I work hard to keep them. Oftentimes this hard work and effort is perceived as clinginess. I put so much into my friendships and, in return, my friends get annoyed. Instead of trying to earn their love, I can embrace God’s love. He loves me unconditionally. He never gets annoyed with me. It makes Him happy when I cling to Him. Instead of trying to change myself to fit what my friend views as a good friend, I will continue to be myself. If she doesn’t like me the way I am, then that’s not my problem. God likes me the way I am. Granted, there are some things that I can improve about the way I approach friendships. I can knock my friends off that pedestal and place God on it instead. I believe that when I put God first, everything else will fall into place. 

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